just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
