so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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