You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Small penises have feelings too.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
