So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
