That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
