i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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