Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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