I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
