I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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