Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
