I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
