after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
