you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
