I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
