We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
