I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
