I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
