I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
