Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
