im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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