The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
