Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
