dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
