Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
