that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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