Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
