Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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