Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
