Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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