His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
