I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
