I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
