Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
