Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I supernannyed him into submission
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
