so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
