On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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