If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
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Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
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You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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