Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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