Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Help. Why am I so naked?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
