Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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