a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
