Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
