My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need to calm my uterus...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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