I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
