I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
