Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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