She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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