he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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