The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
