You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
