Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
