so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
