It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
