oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
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Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
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Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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