Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize