So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
