Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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