You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
