dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't think brook has ever known best
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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