Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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